On: Frozen Fashion

Frozen Fashion
Colleen Rogers

While walking around our world-class city last week, I was noticing some of the trendy attire worn by the young professional women, comparing their "fashion chic" with my "retirement casual" sensibilities.  The method to my madness in observing was to have a selective road map for an "upping-my-style-game".

My current designer of choice from Milan, Comi Fourt Ahblei, seeks to retire his fashion house, leaving behind a legacy as Chief Fashion Designer for the cast of "Dynasty".  So I, now, must Goodwill what remains of my pumped-up-shoulder-padded jackets, and transition from the 80's wardrobe of Kris Jenner to the classy re-invented panache of Caitlyn. 

I have always been a laughable dresser, so bad, in fact, that my when my outfits have been decent, selfies have been requested.  One of my worst "fashion don'ts" was when I wore an 

A much smarter version of my sweatshirt

oversized sweatshirt, 
with a large Santa decal,
and the words "HO, HO, HO" emblazoned 
across the front.. 
in gold glitter...which
I wore to work...and 
it was not "Ugly Sweater Day".  

The worst thing about this fashion faux pas, though, was that...

until I heard cackling as I walked my perkiness down the hall at work, did I surmise the alternate significance of the phrase "HO, HO, HO".  Embarrassingly clueless.

Nonetheless, here follows my little comparative analysis on Generational Fashion, and the inception of my upgrades...

Hairstyles...
Millennials--Pony Tails or long, windblown locks
Boomer Gals--Boy-Short Dos, Wedgy Bobs, or Long, Homeless Grey Dryness

Jacket Selections...
Millennials--Short and "smart"
Boomer Gals--Long, boxy, and full of down or shoulder pads (sometimes with menopausal linings that zip out)

Shirt Selections...
Millennials--Fitted and Athletic
Boomer Gals--Loose-as-a-Goose "Blouses" or Concert T-Shirts (i.e., Grateful Dead stuff)

Pant Selections...
Millennials--Leggings in Regimented Black
Plus Size Women--Leggings, in eye-blinding Wallpaper, Leopard, or Geometric Prints 
Boomer Gals--Jeans, for our eternally rebellious nature

Shoe Choices...
Millennials--Athletic wear or ankle boots, heels if they're from another country, or are hookers
Boomer Gals--Coffin-resembling, lined, stogey shoes with straps, no laces...similar to children's foot ware from the turn-of-the-century

Purse Accessories...
Millennials--Backpacks
Boomer Gals--Totes, with treats for the Grand
kids

My conclusion is that the key is to an enviable look is...

wearing smartly loud accessories.  

If you're my age, divert your lack of style and crepey neck with one distracting statement piece.  Go for a large piece of jewelry, bold eye wear, Isadora Duncan scarves, blood red lipstick, or even that flipping Mary Tyler Moore beret.   

Look as wild and mismatched as you dare...if you do, you will be pegged as eccentrically fashionable or gloriously wealthy.

It's a win-win.