Teacher Tales:
A Compilation of Email Logs From
The Records of A Public High School Teacher, Volume 4
A Primer For the Secretary of Education's
Review and Consideration
Entry #30…
"Door Rubbers"
May 24, 2014 7:51 AM
"Hi, Hon,
...made it here okay, but the Senior pranks have already begun. Ms. H. found a condom tied to her door knob already today. Fortunately, it wasn't used, and they didn't place it OVER the door knob. Still gross..."
Entry #31
"Are you packed yet?"
May 8, 2014 9:15 AM
"Hi, hon
It is Teacher Appreciation Week, so they had coffee and doughnuts for us in the faculty lounge. Nice...
As I am there eating my pink doughnut, Ms. J. asks to speak with me. She says that the Union has decided that because next year is my last, that I DON'T HAVE TO MOVE CLASSROOMS, and that the Assistant Principal would be speaking with me privately. Thanks for the intel, BUT I'VE ALREADY PACKED, EVERYONE!!! WHEN WERE YOU GONNA TELL ME? ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL???!!!
I'm trying to be a team player by prepping the room for the next teacher, and NOW you're informing me that I don't have to move at all, after I have already emptied closets, drawers, file cabinets, hauled stuff home, and packed fourteen boxes...Not nice...
F#%k Teacher Appreciation Week..."
Entry #32
"Viva, Pedro"
May 5, 2014 12:26 PM
"Hi, hon,
...trying to do a Cinco de mayo writing activity
with the students. The kids have to pick an historical character (Benito Juarez, Napoleon III, General Zaragoza, etc.), or they can choose to be a Mexican citizen from the mid-1800's. They are to write a one day journal page expressing their feelings about the events leading up to or immediately following the Battle of Puebla from the perspective of the "character" they picked. If they picked a Mexican citizen, they had to give that person a Spanish name for their journal page...so...I get this impassioned, patriotic journal entry about the defense of life, liberty, and personal property against the French from a Mexican citizen known as... Pedro...Pedro HENDERSON..."
FOOTNOTE:
In the following class, the next impassioned Mexican citizen was known as "Jenny Patel"...
Entry #33
"Induction Junction"
April 29, 2014 1:10 PM
"Hi, hon,
...six more kids got added to the Induction list, which means I need to do six more certificates, get the students' pictures and bios, give them permission slips, change the Power point and program, etc. While I am doing all of this, a transfer student decided to write HAPPY BLOOD DAY in red on his packet on the present progressive tense. That, of course, necessitated me stopping what I was doing to pay a visit to the school psychologist with the paper in question. Teaching."
Entry #34
"Fruity Pathogens"
April 16, 2014 11:48 AM
"Hi, hon,
In first period, I didn't see one of my students put a glass bottle of tropical soda underneath her desk. The boy behind her didn't see it, either--he shoved his snowshoe-sized feet under her desk, and shattered the bottle to the floor, dispensing glass and fruity punch all over the room. I had to move the kids from the area, get paper towels, and shove the glassy, fruity stew to one area until the janitress came in with brooms, mops, etc. She was not happy--she shot me the evil eye during cleanup. It truly did look like a CSI crime scene, though. Glad I was already taking super antibiotics, because I, of course, pricked my finger while keeping the kids away from the swill. Hope antibiotics are an anecdote for evil eye, too."
Entry #35
"Urban Dictionary"
April 15, 2014 11:55 AM
"Hi, hon,
Contents of a note confiscated in my classroom:
See, I was walkin' down the hall and I saw this girl with a fatty. I was like damn, who is that? Shorty can back it up on me. Then she turned around. I seen the cutest piece of meat. I was like, 'there goes my bady...' (Usher mode)
My thoughts: Wonder if she will end up being his Prom date?
My Required Urban Dictionary
Interpretative Assist:
fatty. adj. a massive but nicely shaped ass
Bady. A spelling of baby for people (usually people who think they are gangsters) who are particularly retarded.
Image of My Fantasy Pink Doughnut Courtesy of:
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/528469337511426579
Cinco de mayo Image Courtesy of:
https://thenib.com/cinco-de-mayo-isn-t-what-you-think-it-is
No comments:
Post a Comment