On: Mom Whammies

On:  Mom Whammies

Colleen Rogers

All good, engaging Mom’s create them.  My Mom cleverly named hers Whammies.

“Whammies” are the sorts of things Moms tell children as a form of emotional support and comfort.  They are the verbal counterparts of “kissing boo-boos”.  My Mom’s “whammies” were essentially a vengeful superpower she generated and engaged to thwart bullies.  If we arrived home from school and confessed any mistreatment from other kids, our Mom promptly stated that she would “put a whammy” on the bully.  She acted as sort of an all-defeating, mystical bully-deflating Endora. 

Two things we knew about our Mom’s whammies -- they were instantaneously in effect once stated, and they were powerfully healing.  Even if we knew that we would be getting another bully beat-down the next day at school, we felt in our hearts that the divine Karma of our Mom’s whammies would never fail.  We could rest assured that one day our bully would become some inferior, laughable, pea-brained flunky minion.  If said bully failed to heed the crushing sword of our Mom’s lightning rod whammies, he was sadly doomed for all eternity.  Too bad, so sad.

I used to wonder why our mother never used the more traditional “sticks and stones...names will never hurt you” route.  I think our Mom understood that sometimes, in our child brains, we wanted some cosmic retribution and a chance to believe that we had a forceful, omnipotent back-up plan.  Instead of immediately throwing punches or accepting the “veracity” of the bully’s words, the whammies gave us time to process and right ourselves.  We knew that someone watched over us with acknowledgment and protection.

I must admit that, even into adulthood, Whammy Implementation, has still stood the test of time.  I have chuckled so many times at the mental application of the Whammy while listening to self-sanctimonious bosses, avoiding road rage drivers, and “blessing” people who still taunt-write checks at the grocery store.  The whammy has probably kept me from landing in jail for disorderly conduct over a dozen times.

In trying to discover why my Mom’s whammies always worked so well for each of us kids, I noted several things…

My Mom was a good listener.  When we discussed the bullying with her, it meant that we felt comfortable enough to reveal, not conceal, our issues.  We did this because she had established early on her openness to hearing us out.  We knew that nothing—not the house, her job, or her errands-- took precedence over what we had to tell her. 

My Mom did not solve the problem for us.  She did not run up to the school, demand to see the Principal, and have the bully separated from our presence.  She said later that she knew that we would be faced with a lifetime of “bullies”—bosses, customers, etc.  Better for us to practice and learn the skills for dealing with these interactions from childhood.  She believed, too, that if we had a mental tactic to help us pause for a minute, we could diffuse situations in a humorous, less emotionally deflating way.

My Mom always wanted us to know that she was with us “in spirit”.  The whammies also indicated that she “had our back”.  She might not have been there physically, but we could always count on her love and support in the aftermath.

In an era when bullies run rampant at schools and online, it is imperative that parents listen, teach reasons for non-retaliation, provide small coping techniques, and build a framework of love and support.  Whammy deployment works well, too.     

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