On: Offing The Grid

On:  Offing the Grid

Colleen Rogers

As a Suzy-Cream-Cheese-Polly-Anna type girl, I have often wondered what bursts of life-pop would have engaged me if I had…

•   Left the town in which I landed
•  Not gone to work without calling in
• Talked to people who appeared “unsafe”
• Shown up in places and to events for which I was not invited
• Tried things I knew would most likely be risky, dangerous, and dismal
• Completed every task based on my own, self-adjudicated survival instincts

I think about how my more sensible “risk management” has sequestered me to a life of relative peace and security, but subsequently may have ignited a less interesting balloon-ride.  So, I occasionally toy with considering a life off-the-grid, even as I hold my latest latte Frapuccino.  In my extensive Google research, I have learned that living a life off-the-grid relies on a set of four requisite basic skills.

The first skill needed for a free, unencumbered existence is the ability to remain calm in the face of danger.  I reflected on  situations in own life which may have compromised my ability to remain stalwart.  I figured that any time I jumped atop a chair at the site of a mouse would essentially require me to undergo more advanced training and preparation as a survivalist.  Yeah…no…I don’t do mice.  I most definitely would need more classes to squelch this weak behavior.

Onto skill numero dos. 

Survivalists are experts at improvisation.  Survivalists fabricate tools, find water, and prepare food without shopping.  This one skill set I think I could nail.

Anyone who does Pinterest knows the artful dodge of re-purposing.  Any Pinterester acknowledges that it’s really no problem to craft tools from tree branches.  Duh.  Been there, done that.  Water detection is never an issue, either—ask any woman over twenty with a working bladder.  It’s in our DNA. We can always find a bathroom on our mental map. 

Additionally, since no grocery shopping is survival-essential, I believe that food foraging would be easier than waiting for a blue-haired old lady to write a check in the grocery line.  I know I could have a fire started, berries and nuts collected, and a Vegan shepherd’s pie roasting on open flame before an old lady can check out and load her car trunk.  The whole persona of womanhood is improvisational-- woman are innate survivalists and de facto “Improv Headmistresses of the Highest Discernible Order”.

Survivalists are competent do-it-your-selfers.  Having watched every Fixer Upper episode, and having tackled most of the home Honey-Do list myself, I think that exacting emergency repair work would be no problem, especially after having had prior expertise at faceting my own tools for the job.  Crisis management for emergency repairs is definitely doable, unless, of course, the crisis involves changing a tire in the cold.  No can do.  For real. 

Finally, off-the-grid risk-a-teers are leaders.  They are able to stand back, assess a situation, and make calculated decisions for the next course of action.  This is where all the devious Lucy-plots that  women have on lock down comes into play.  Our ability to make others think that they are in charge, while we all know it’s any woman’s evil plot to keep the cogs cycle-spinning our way toward the best outcome. We save the day--yay, us!.

My heavy-handedness toward mastering my own "life-incognito" is already confirmed in this blissfully cocky-brain. I am certain enough to know that waiting in line… in a coffee shop… on a hectic Monday work-morning… is enough verification… of this proposed hot-life of gritty survival.      

 

Photo From:

 https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/08/11/scrublands_n_5663454.html